Archive for category Folks
Last month I was scrambling to fill the room for rent in my apartment. One roommate was leaving and I needed a new person to fill the spot. October proved to be a month filled with crazy parades and nutbag sundaes. Because let me just say, Craigslist isn’t having a shortage on the mentally damaged, ill or homeless person looking for a room to rent. I’m pretty sure I met at least 96% of them in October 10-27th. On Halloween I met one person I suspect is a drug dealer who later drunk dialed me twice. Leaving me voicemails like, “Girl, where u at? Thisyaboyjussssssblarhahahggghhh.” And on Halloween I ALSO met the dude I came here to talk about. He came to my house at 1:30pm and did not leave until after dark, after hours. After “I’ll leave right after this cigarette” statements and about five cigs later..
So this guy, who I can only pray isn’t the stalker type and reading this. Because nice as he may be, the entire experience was bizarre and uncomfortable at best. He basically came to my apartment to see if it would suit his rental needs, right? RIGHT. Well, he didn’t LEAVE for hours. It was DAYTIME when he arrived and nighttime when he left. NIGHT TIME. That’s just weird. But the thing was that was so uncomfortable, besides how frank and personal the topics he talked about were, was that I couldn’t shake him. I kept saying I needed to see other people, or go, or WHATEVER, but he would just keep talking and talking. We had a ton in common, but as he kept talking I realized he was shooting down everything I said with an argument. And then he was just projecting, not even looking at me sometimes. As if giving a speech to a crowd. He was TALKING AT ME for HOURS. I felt like I was trapped with some crazy man who knew way too much about siamese cats and Battlestar Galactica.
Come to find out, he was homeless. Like, living at a Motel 6 and the JC library homeless. So now I feel horrible. I know the building won’t rent to this dude, he’s super shadey as it is, and honestly I didn’t WANT to live with him. I mean, I would never be able to talk to him. He would just set up a podium in the livingroom and put on lectures about which pizza crust was invented by which group of people in which time and BLAHBLAHBLAH…So he wasn’t leaving probably because he didn’t have anywhere to GO until work. I know he was on foot and was leaving for work when he finally did leave after that “one last cigarette” in the sunroom. After he left I remember dead bolting the door and thinking to myself, “What the fuck just HAPPENED!?”
It took me a good day of thinking about the experience to even decompress or figure out the little tidbits about how he was really just talking at me for 5 hours. How he had no sense of boundaries. How he made me uncomfortable and was just a WEE BIT creepy. He told me everything from how often he shaves his balls to his thoughts on tantric self-sex?!?! Also, he pulled up his shirt to expose his stomach for way longer than needed. Saw that I wasn’t looking at him, avoiding contact with him, and that I was uncomfortable. So THEN he put his shirt down. He played it off like, “I just wanna prove a point, I got a belly on me.” YES, THANK YOU, I SEE THAT. A VERY LARGE HAIRY BELLY, NICE, PLEASE KEEP YOUR SHIRT UP LONGER, SIR.
A couple days pass. I tell him I’m renting to someone else (I’ve found the current roommate I have now by then, as he was my interview the next day and we just got along better). He asks if I want to hang out some time. I am taken aback because I remember when he finally left on Halloween he said he wanted to “hang out again.” Which what went on in my head was more like, “OH GREAT, he wants to talk at me and correct me for many hours again. How fantastic.” I said that basic, “Yeah, sure, totally. I’ll let you know.” Like a real California bitch, right?
I figured at this point that the hint was carried and received, processed and shredded. That in his emotional mind I was like, totally off the radar and forgotten. OH HOW WRONG, DEVIN. He called about 3 times. Left about 4 voicemails. Only talked in a couple, the others were that breathing hang up when they realize it’s VM that every girl loves hearing 4 of a row of in her inbox.
When I didn’t answer those calls or call him I figured by now it was obvious. Surely, the message was NOW apparent and had been sent through. Pony at the station, etc. etc. Nope. He waited until Friday night. I was already in bed when he tried. Private number first, then his cell, then private. That was it, he didn’t try again.
It is now two days after that. I am on my way to an appointment downtown. As I hit a red light who should be crossing the street at that precise moment but CLINGWRAP.
My body went movie-scape. I was plunked into Pulp Fiction. I felt this ice water chill rumble through my whole gut and down my back. I was watching his face, watching the movement of his body. Frozen and just watching for him to turn his face just the tiniest bit and make eye contact with me. I was expecting a full rehashing of the movie. He locks eyes with me and simply says, “Mother fucker.”
There would be a horrible alley chase. Horrible not because it ends in the gun shop but because I hate running. And then yeah, obviously I’m not super thrilled about the whole gimp idea.
BUT! Apparently I was super peachy in another life. Because at the exact moment when his face was turning–turning right to SEE ME–a gust of wind hit his face and moving his scarf. Moving his attention from what would have been my car, my eyes, my face and sending his field of vision away from me onto the curb and his coat. The light was green, he was across the street fumbling with his scarf now, I was no longer frozen and I took off.
Santa Rosa is just like every other small town. Too small.
Went for a sunny Sunday at the beach w/the new roomie. Books & eats from The Tides. The waves were full and beautiful.
Amber and her friends are somewhere in a car on their way from Oregon driving the coast towards my bay area. We’re going to hang out at the Edinburgh Castle in San Francisco for the actual birthday gathering and meet up of various people from all over. I’ve been to the real Edinburgh Castle in Scotland and I have a feeling it’s going to be a LITTLE DIFFERENT at this one in the Tenderloin. It’s old friends, internet friends, and friends from in state an out of state all of us meeting up together. I know Amber, and Amber’s friends who are driving her know people coming, and Amber herself has other people besides me coming. It’s like a meet up at a convention, only with Tenderloin gutter punks instead of Trekkies.
I’m planning to crash in Amber’s hotel room for the night since we’ll be intoxicated. I know one thing, my Irish ass isn’t going to be in a pub without purchasing fish ‘n chips. Which they apparently serve until 11pm.
I haven’t been to the Tenderloin district of San Francisco since Spencer won free comedy club tickets and my sister and I tagged along with him. He was driving his beemer at the time and this homeless crackhead offered to watch his car and make sure no one stole anything if we gave him a couple bucks. He also informed us to lock up anything and everything, even a bottle of water should not be left in plain site. Spencer gave him the couple bucks and a nug of weed (Spencer being the huge stoner he is).
Because we were early and the club wasn’t open yet (barred up and locked) we walked the few blocks over to Union Square and went to the Sanrio store in the Mall (at my insistence, of course.) When we got back to the club–me holding a new pink hello kitty giraffe print purse and eating Apple flavored Keroppi gum–that crackhead guy was waiting for us. He treated us as if we were walking a red carpet not a sidewalk and pointed to our car smiling. Saying, “ALL’S CLEAR STILL!” We just nodded and smiled and went into the comedy club. When we came back out, he was on the corner fighting with a woman wearing trash bag shoes. He smiled and ran over to us , waving huge as if we could possibly have missed him and said no one ever so much as LOOKED at our car while he was around. Spencer gave him another couple bucks and we took off. I remember waving back at him like a little kid in the back seat as we drove off. Him waving that two bucks back and forth and grinning way too big for something like a nug of weed and 5 bucks which is what in total he made off us at the end of the night.
I can only hope my experience tomorrow in the Tenderloin is half as magical. Considering I’ll be with Amber and her huge entourage, surrounded by ale and fried food I have NO DOUBT it will be epic.